Thursday, March 10, 2011

Nursing FAIL!

I feel like I have a lot to type tonight so I am going to start here and see where it takes me...

Nursing, I must be born to fail at it!!

First of all... when I was prego I was full blown prepared to breast feed. I didn't even buy one bottle because Hey I'm not going to use them, I am the bottle! I got my breast pump all ready to go and even though Bill didn't think I could do it I was set in stone that I was! I knew it was going to be hard, I knew it was going to take commitment but I was dedicated! Done and done!!

Well... Brynn was born.. and her first night of life they realized she was jaundiced and without asking me gave her formula... fine fine, I understand she needs it. My milk came in by the 3rd day but already everytime I nursed her the nurses would "supplement"..... She was little needed to gain and needed to get the jaundice out.... I'm convincing myself..

But by the time we got home the damage was already done. She would nurse and then we would supplement. My supple never had a chance! She wasn't gaining weight.. we tried to work on my milk supple but it just wasn't increasing so we had to increase her formula intake. I TRIED everything, I mean it! I nursed her for hours and she was so upset... I ate oatmeal, I drank beers, I took fenugreek, I drank water, saw a LC...

I hate when I read the breast milk is best and I feel like I failed because I couldn't do it... I wanted to soo bad! I feel like I missed out on the cuddle time when u are nursing.. because usually when I nursed Brynn would just cry knowing that the faster easier bottle would be coming...

2nd of all, nursing school... what a nightmare! I think I would be a awesome nurse and I see RN and I think how come she made it through nursing school and I didnt? I'm smart but I had my head up my ass back then... is it too late?

Friday, March 4, 2011

PCOS and so on

Well I have PCOS I was dx when I was 24 ish... I was trying to get pregnant, I took myself off BCP and didn't have a period for a long long long long long long time followed by a period for 3 months straight.. fun times, let me tell ya! So I went to a dr they said I had PCOS and to go back on BCP lose weight and it will be gone... um.... not that effin easy!  So after a move and a year and alittle bit of research I went to a Repro Endo. Right away I was put on Metformin and away we went! After failed IUIs and an IVF tx I was told to go on BCP and lose weight (assholes)... but this time losing weight wasn't has hard.. I didn't carve sugars and carbs has much. I lost 15lbs and got pregnant on my own!

So baby is here and the weight came back. I'm not breastfeeding so I want back on Metformin! I'm going to an Endo 3/9/11 and once I get my rx I think I'm going to start tracking my weight loss. Right now I exercise 3x a week and I don't eat crappy but I crave sweets and carbs and I haven't lost any weight. Hmm.. I guess we will see!