Nursing FAIL!

I feel like I have a lot to type tonight so I am going to start here and see where it takes me...

Nursing, I must be born to fail at it!!

First of all... when I was prego I was full blown prepared to breast feed. I didn't even buy one bottle because Hey I'm not going to use them, I am the bottle! I got my breast pump all ready to go and even though Bill didn't think I could do it I was set in stone that I was! I knew it was going to be hard, I knew it was going to take commitment but I was dedicated! Done and done!!

Well... Brynn was born.. and her first night of life they realized she was jaundiced and without asking me gave her formula... fine fine, I understand she needs it. My milk came in by the 3rd day but already everytime I nursed her the nurses would "supplement"..... She was little needed to gain and needed to get the jaundice out.... I'm convincing myself..

But by the time we got home the damage was already done. She would nurse and then we would supplement. My supple never had a chance! She wasn't gaining weight.. we tried to work on my milk supple but it just wasn't increasing so we had to increase her formula intake. I TRIED everything, I mean it! I nursed her for hours and she was so upset... I ate oatmeal, I drank beers, I took fenugreek, I drank water, saw a LC...

I hate when I read the breast milk is best and I feel like I failed because I couldn't do it... I wanted to soo bad! I feel like I missed out on the cuddle time when u are nursing.. because usually when I nursed Brynn would just cry knowing that the faster easier bottle would be coming...

2nd of all, nursing school... what a nightmare! I think I would be a awesome nurse and I see RN and I think how come she made it through nursing school and I didnt? I'm smart but I had my head up my ass back then... is it too late?